What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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