ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
