a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
