it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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