i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
