I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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