If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
