I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
