end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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