I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I can't turn off my feet"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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