connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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