dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize