He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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