the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
