also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my phone needs a breathalizer
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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