I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
