I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
