im about as happy as oj after his trial
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
