Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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