bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I party with great urgency now.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
