I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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