dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i think i scared a bird with my dick
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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