Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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