Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize