yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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