I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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