He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
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