i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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