yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
