Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
