I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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