I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
