It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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