Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
