So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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