She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize