Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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