you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
