Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
this boner is exhausting
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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