I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
