He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Terrible idea I love it
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
