insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
