I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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