i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
