Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Vodka?
Forever.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
