how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
