Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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