dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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