we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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