She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
