The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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