Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize