i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
