and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
