And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
