I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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