I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
