tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Randomize
