I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
