Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
