I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
