Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
