I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
